Friday, October 13, 2017

At the Carnival

Zさん:"Hey, I'm getting hungry.  Let's stop somewhere to get a bite to eat."
Aさん:「Yeah, I agree.  アメリカンドッグを食べたい。」
Zさん:"Wait... what?!? You mean like a golden retriever or a beagle?  What is wrong with you, that's evil!"
Aさん:「... 『 アメリカンドッグ』means 'corn dog'.」
Zさん:"... oh... yeah... I knew that... corn dogs are evil, what with the cholesterol and all..."

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Mt. Fuji

Bさん:「あっ!みて!富士山を見えます。きれいですね。」
Zさん:"You know, as much as Japanese people revere Mt Fuji, you would think they would use the term 富士様."
Bさん:「。。。whatever you say, Z三。」

Friday, September 29, 2017

パーティー

Zさん and Cさん are driving in a car.

Zさん:"I've been really looking forward to this party.  It's going to be fun."
Cさん:「Yes.  でも、can we go to スーパー, before?」
Zさん:"Sure, but it's back the other way. We'll have to make a u-ey."
Cさん:「。。。『上』を書きます?」

Saturday, September 23, 2017



Aさん:「Oh no, it happened again!」
Zさん:"What happened?"
Aさん:「My cat coughed up a hairball into my shoe.  He does it every Saturday, like clockwork.  毎週、my shoe!」
Zさん:"... your kingdom for your shoe...?"
Aさん:「。。。you're not helping, Catesby

Friday, September 15, 2017

アニメ国際会話

外人:"ペラペラ、ペラペラ、ペラペラ"
日本人:「。。。?。。。fluent, fluent, fluent。」

Friday, September 8, 2017

Star Trek:Voyager

Zさん:"I heard you are collecting Star Trek:Voyager action figures. Which one did you want?"
Aさん:「Chakotayください。」
Zさん:"... so I should ちゃこる?"

Thursday, August 31, 2017

Celery in Space

Zさん:"Have you heard about the NASA satellite that is measuring the amount of water in the top 2 inches of soil everywhere on the Earth’s surface?  It is called Soil Moisture Active Passive* or S.M.A.P. for short."

Aさん:「I thought they broke up.」



*NASA really has a SMAP mission, I'm not making this up.  https://smap.jpl.nasa.gov 


Friday, August 25, 2017

Takeout Chinese

Zさん:"ただいま!"
Bさん:「おかいり!」
Zさん:"I brought home takeout Chinese.  Where do you want to eat?"
Bさん:「居間。」
Zさん:"I said 'where' not 'when'."
Bさん:「。。。」

Friday, August 18, 2017

太陽

Aさん:「アメリカでは月曜日に皆既日食が起こります。」
Bさん:「本当?みたい!」

ミスタースパーコル:"Mmm... 日食..."

Saturday, August 12, 2017

勉強しようよ

Zさん:"So, what was your favorite class back in school?"
Aさん:「算数。」
Zさん:"... you studied the art of war? ..."



Friday, August 4, 2017

バート & Katsuo

Zさん:"You know, I've been thinking about it and Bart Simpson and いそのカツオ are really quite similar."
Aさん:「How so?」
Zさん:"Well, they're both spiky-haired, trouble-making tween-agers, they both do poorly in school, and each of their best friends is a non-nerdy kid with glasses, Milhouse and ひろし."
Aさん:「Quite true.」
Zさん:"... and ... they each have two sisters and no brothers, and their fathers are bald and have angry catch phrases: 'Why you little!' and 「バカモン!」"
Aさん:「All very true, but you forgot the most important thing.」
Zさん:"What's that?"
Aさん:「Each of their respective shows jumped the shark decades ago.」
Zさん:"。。。なるほど。"

Friday, July 28, 2017

The Cat's Age

Zさん:"How's your cat doing?"
Aさん:「Good.  I recently took him to the vet to get his shots.  You know, I had forgotten my cat's age.  I thought he was 3 years old, but I wasn't sure.  So I asked the vet to check the cat's records, and sure enough, the cat is 3!」
Zさん:"So, 先生三歳賛成する?"
Aさん:「Yes... and the vet is third generation American.」

Friday, July 21, 2017

誕生日のライド

Zさん:"誕生日おめでとう!"
Aさん:「ありがとうございます! Glad you could make it, how was the drive over?」
Zさん:"Couldn't tell you.  I took the bus."
Aさん:「Really...」
Zさん:"You know, I honestly do enjoy riding on the bus.  It's great.  Put it this way... ハッピー、バスで"
Aさん:「。。。I really hope that pun wasn't my present.」

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Conversation

Baby Groot:"I am Groot."
いくらちゃん:「ハイ!」
Baby Groot:"I am Groot."
いくらちゃん:「ハイ!」
Baby Groot:"I am Groot."
いくらちゃん:「ハイ!」
Baby Groot:"We are Groot."
いくらちゃん:「ビャーブー!」

Zさん:"It's true what they say.  Groot minds think alike."

Saturday, July 8, 2017

夕食

Bさん:「Guess what I made for dinner?  Steamed broccoli, cauliflower, zucchini, carrots, and brussel sprouts!」
Zさん:"... You know... you look forward to dinner ... hoping for something delicious ... and you look down at your plate and see a big pile of vegetables, and well ... ya sigh."
Bさん:「... just eat your food, funny man ...」

Friday, June 30, 2017

On Sale

Zさん:"Hey, I heard Kinokuniya is having a BOGO textbook sale.  Wanna go?"
Cさん:「... but I am ... native Japanese speaker.」

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Scary Story

Zさん:"... and the old man entered the dilapidated, creepy house.  That it was scary would be an understatement.  A loose floorboard creaked under his footstep.  Cobwebs hung from every corner.  Bats squeaked off in the distance ... and then ... the old man lived a long time, his health slowly decreasing over several decades ... dan! dan! dan!"
Aさん:「。。。ダン」

Friday, June 16, 2017

Singer

Zさん:"お仕事はなんですか?"
Bさん:「歌手です。」
Zさん:"So do they pay you in ... heh heh ... キャッシュ?"
Bさん:「No.  Cashews.」

Friday, June 9, 2017

Behold

Zさん:"Why is 美しい such an ugly-sounding word?"

Saturday, June 3, 2017

Everything's Fine

Aさん:「What would you think if I were to say, everything's fine?」
Bさん:「I don't know, what?」
Cさん:「知らない。」

Friday, May 26, 2017

Cookie Monster

Zさん:"What did Cookie Monster say when he got a breath of fresh air?"
Aさん:「I don't know, what did Cookie Monster say when he got a breath of fresh air?」
Zさん:"空気!"

Friday, March 3, 2017

緑茶

Aさん:「Ah! Nothing like hot, fresh green tea.」
Zさん:"So, you're drinking your お茶 in a big coffee mug?"
Aさん:「Sure, what would you drink お茶 out of?"
Zさん:"Well,  you know me..."

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Takeout

Zさん:"Hey, let's get takeout tonight for dinner.  Are you craving anything in particular?  Chinese? American? Italian?"
Aさん:「How about Cuban?」
Zさん:"... so... the ninth restaurant?"

Friday, February 17, 2017

Delicious

Zさん:"Wow, that must have been the best sushi I've ever eaten."
Aさん:「Hey, didn't I tell you the sushi at this restaurant is delicious?」
Zさん:"Absolutely.  I must say... the horse won."
Aさん:「... horse? ... won?」
Zさん:"うまかった。"
Aさん:「。。。」

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Laundry

Aさん:「Hey, did you do laundry?」
Zさん:"はい、ケンタキに洗濯しました。"
Aさん:「。。。the Colonel's chicken with 11 herbs and spices may be delicious, but hardly able to clean clothes.」
Zさん:"。。。せんたっきに。。。うるさい。"

Friday, February 3, 2017

Animals

Zさん:"ね、ね、I have a riddle for you."
Bさん:「Sounds like fun, what is it?」
Zさん:"What do you call it when a rabbit and an eel wear jackets?"
Bさん:「I don't know, what do you call it when a rabbit and an eel wear jackets?」
Zさん:"うさぎとうなぎのうわぎ。"
Bさん:「That's so cute, especially considering rabbits and eels have neither the necessity nor the capacity to wear jackets, and furthermore they would look absurd doing so.」
Zさん:"... I was going for the random wordplay, but sure ..."

Friday, January 27, 2017

Shopping List

Zさん:"Hey, I'm heading to the supermarket, need anything?"
Aさん:「えーと。アイスとグレープ。」
Zさん:"わかった。こうりとぶどう。"
Aさん:「。。。」

Saturday, January 14, 2017

The Dos of the Deities

Zさん:"ね、ね、I have a riddle for you."
Aさん:「Ok, shoot.」
Zさん:"What do you call the hair of the paper god?"
Aさん:「I don't know, what do you call the hair of the paper god?」
Zさん:"紙の神の髪の毛。"
Aさん:「... I would find that humorous if it weren't for the borderline Shinto blasphemy.」


Friday, January 6, 2017

Need A Break

Aさん and Zさん are driving in a car and it stops suddenly.

Zさん:"Whoa! The car in front of us stopped and we almost crashed into it.  Luckily, your car has those new computer sensors and could stop automatically."
Aさん:「Not exactly.  I just stepped on the breaks in time. 」
Zさん:"... no, I think the car stopped automatically. 車がとまる。"
Aさん:「I disagree.  私は車をとめる。」
Zさん:"You say とめる and I say とまる."
Aさん:「I say とめる and you say とまる.」
Zさん:"とめる"
Aさん:「とまる」
Zさん:"とめる"
Aさん:「とまる」
Zさん:"レツコールザホールシングオフ。"
Aさん:「。。。What?」