This blog is one gaijin's attempt to learn Japanese through mnemonics, puns, and general linguistic absurdity.
Looking for Fractalsmith Games? Sorry, but Ed Siewert, the creative force behind Fractalsmith, has decided to focus his efforts on making cheesy Japanese puns instead of cheesy computer games.
Thursday, December 28, 2017
Aさん：「OK, welcome to your first day on the job at Foot Locker. Let me explain what you say to customers when they enter the store. You greet them, then let them take a seat, then finally, ask them what shoe size they are.」
Zさん："So... size shoe は最終?"
Aさん：「... indeed, but in general, tautologies don't equate to sales. 」
Friday, December 22, 2017
Thursday, December 14, 2017
Steve Harvey: "John, there is one correct answer left up on the board, and your family has two strikes. If you get it right, your family wins. If not, the Jones family will have a chance to steal. Are you ready?"
John Smith: "Yes."
Steve Harvey: "Name a celebrity with the last name 'Allen'."
John Smith: "I'll go with Keegan. Keegan Allen."
Steve Harvey: "Ok... for the win... Show Me Keegan!"
Zさん："I didn't know Family Feud had an expiration date."
Friday, December 8, 2017
Friday, December 1, 2017
Friday, November 24, 2017
Saturday, November 18, 2017
Friday, November 10, 2017
Saturday, November 4, 2017
Friday, October 27, 2017
Bさん：「Everything on the menu at this restaurant looks great. Let's start with an appetizer. Craving anything in particular?」
Bさん：「。。。I've heard of people wearing those on their tummies for warmth, but I don't think eating one would have the same effect.」
Friday, October 20, 2017
Friday, October 13, 2017
Zさん："Hey, I'm getting hungry. Let's stop somewhere to get a bite to eat."
Aさん：「Yeah, I agree. アメリカンドッグを食べたい。」
Zさん："Wait... what?!? You mean like a golden retriever or a beagle? What is wrong with you, that's evil!"
Aさん：「... 『 アメリカンドッグ』means 'corn dog'.」
Zさん："... oh... yeah... I knew that... corn dogs are evil, what with the cholesterol and all..."
Saturday, October 7, 2017
Friday, September 29, 2017
Saturday, September 23, 2017
Friday, September 15, 2017
Friday, September 8, 2017
Thursday, August 31, 2017
Zさん："Have you heard about the NASA satellite that is measuring the amount of water in the top 2 inches of soil everywhere on the Earth’s surface? It is called Soil Moisture Active Passive* or S.M.A.P. for short."
Aさん：「I thought they broke up.」
*NASA really has a SMAP mission, I'm not making this up. https://smap.jpl.nasa.gov
Friday, August 25, 2017
Friday, August 18, 2017
Saturday, August 12, 2017
Friday, August 4, 2017
Zさん："You know, I've been thinking about it and Bart Simpson and いそのカツオ are really quite similar."
Zさん："Well, they're both spiky-haired, trouble-making tween-agers, they both do poorly in school, and each of their best friends is a non-nerdy kid with glasses, Milhouse and ひろし."
Zさん："... and ... they each have two sisters and no brothers, and their fathers are bald and have angry catch phrases: 'Why you little!' and 「バカモン！」"
Aさん：「All very true, but you forgot the most important thing.」
Aさん：「Each of their respective shows jumped the shark decades ago.」
Friday, July 28, 2017
Zさん："How's your cat doing?"
Aさん：「Good. I recently took him to the vet to get his shots. You know, I had forgotten my cat's age. I thought he was 3 years old, but I wasn't sure. So I asked the vet to check the cat's records, and sure enough, the cat is 3!」
Aさん：「Yes... and the vet is third generation American.」
Friday, July 21, 2017
Aさん：「ありがとうございます！ Glad you could make it, how was the drive over?」
Zさん："Couldn't tell you. I took the bus."
Zさん："You know, I honestly do enjoy riding on the bus. It's great. Put it this way... ハッピー、バスで"
Aさん：「。。。I really hope that pun wasn't my present.」
Thursday, July 13, 2017
Saturday, July 8, 2017
Bさん：「Guess what I made for dinner? Steamed broccoli, cauliflower, zucchini, carrots, and brussel sprouts!」
Zさん："... You know... you look forward to dinner ... hoping for something delicious ... and you look down at your plate and see a big pile of vegetables, and well ... ya sigh."
Bさん：「... just eat your food, funny man ...」
Friday, June 30, 2017
Saturday, June 24, 2017
Friday, June 16, 2017
Saturday, June 3, 2017
Friday, May 26, 2017
Friday, March 3, 2017
Saturday, February 25, 2017
Friday, February 17, 2017
Saturday, February 11, 2017
Friday, February 3, 2017
Zさん："ね、ね、I have a riddle for you."
Bさん：「Sounds like fun, what is it?」
Zさん："What do you call it when a rabbit and an eel wear jackets?"
Bさん：「I don't know, what do you call it when a rabbit and an eel wear jackets?」
Bさん：「That's so cute, especially considering rabbits and eels have neither the necessity nor the capacity to wear jackets, and furthermore they would look absurd doing so.」
Zさん："... I was going for the random wordplay, but sure ..."
Friday, January 27, 2017
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Zさん："ね、ね、I have a riddle for you."
Zさん："What do you call the hair of the paper god?"
Aさん：「I don't know, what do you call the hair of the paper god?」
Aさん：「... I would find that humorous if it weren't for the borderline Shinto blasphemy.」
Friday, January 6, 2017
Aさん and Zさん are driving in a car and it stops suddenly.
Zさん："Whoa! The car in front of us stopped and we almost crashed into it. Luckily, your car has those new computer sensors and could stop automatically."
Aさん：「Not exactly. I just stepped on the breaks in time. 」
Zさん："... no, I think the car stopped automatically. 車がとまる。"
Aさん：「I disagree. 私は車をとめる。」
Zさん："You say とめる and I say とまる."
Aさん：「I say とめる and you say とまる.」