This blog is one gaijin's attempt to learn Japanese through mnemonics, puns, and general linguistic absurdity.

Looking for Fractalsmith Games? Sorry, but Ed Siewert, the creative force behind Fractalsmith, has decided to focus his efforts on making cheesy Japanese puns instead of cheesy computer games.

Friday, June 21, 2019

If Japanese People Had Invented Hexadecimal

零、カ九一カウ五四零
零、零五オ三九零イア
零、六二エ七八七オ五
零、イ零六一九エア七
零、四ウ三二ア八五オ

Friday, June 14, 2019

Layover

Aさん:「How is planning for your trip going?」
Zさん:"Ok. The only flight I could get was with a layover in Boston.  What is the name of the airport there?"
Aさん:「Logan.」
Zさん:"... as in the pilots are old and have bad eye sight? That does not fill me with confidence."

Friday, June 7, 2019

Zurui Onna?

Zさん:"Hi, I'm Z. And you are...?"
女:"My name is Sharon Quimby, but my friends call me 'Sharon Q'."
Zさん:"... Bye bye, Arigatou, Sayonara!"
女:"Either you are really old, or that is like the worst pick-up line ever."
Zさん:"It's both."

Thursday, May 30, 2019

Road Trip

Zさん:"Man, driving across New Jersey is taking forever. Are we almost to New York?"
Cさん:「...Yes... after we cross... タッパン・ゼド」
Zさん:"...? ... We're going to New York, not Canada."

Sunday, May 19, 2019

Friday, May 10, 2019

Read the Room

Zさん:"このカフェはステキですね。"
Bさん:「そうですよね!コーヒーは美味しくて、皆んなは優しい。だけど、あの男はスマホで大声で話している。ケーワイーでしょう!」
Zさん:"... the marital aid?..."

Saturday, May 4, 2019

Pairs Well

Bさん:「The typical Japanese person eats eel with eel sauce, okonomiyaki with okonomiyaki sauce, tonkatsu with tonkatsu sauce, tempura with tempura sauce, and so on.

You put ketchup on everything.」

Zさん:"... what ..."

Friday, April 26, 2019

Bread

Aさん:「Aw, man! I just bought this loaf of bread at the supermarket today, and it is already moldy and gross! This is terrible パン!」
Zさん:"... well... this sentence is an even worse パン!"
Aさん:「。。。」
Zさん:"See what I did there?"
Aさん:「。。。」

Saturday, April 20, 2019

A Rose's Nourishment by Any Other Name

Zさん:"That's a beautiful flower arrangement!"
Bさん:「Thank you!」
Zさん:"So what is that liquid you are pouring on the flowers?"
Bさん:「It's a special solution that has the exact nutrients the flowers need.」
Zさん:"So... it's はなみず。"
Bさん: 「... seriously? ...」

Thursday, April 11, 2019

Oy Vey!

男:"Are you ready for Passover?"
女:"Not quite, I have more food shopping to do."

Zさん:"... I think that woman is a Jew."
ドナルド:"Nah, she's a 七, or 八 tops."
Zさん:"Dude, Uncool! What is wrong with you!"

Friday, April 5, 2019

マンジャ、マンジャ

Aさん:「あっ、Zさん、ひさしぶり!元気ですか?」
Zさん:"元気だよ!」
Aさん:「ネェネェ、最近、Zさんは旅行しましたでしょう。」
Zさん:"そうだよ。イタリアのリゾート。"

ミスタースパーコル:「Mmm... Italian Risotto...」

Thursday, March 28, 2019

Cookin' Prep

Zさん:"料理する、ありがとう!"
Bさん:「いいえ、いいえ。」
Zさん:"手伝わせてください。"
Bさん:「いいよ。トメトを切てください。私は玉ねぎを切ります。」
Zさん:"玉ねぎ? 寝ないで!"
Bさん:「。。。?」

Friday, March 22, 2019

Subaru

テレビ:"Love. It's what makes a Subaru, a Subaru."

Zさん:"... well ... that and a particular cluster of stars in the constellation Taurus."

Saturday, March 16, 2019

How Do You Like Them Bananas

Aさん:「あっ!バナナ。食べていい?」
Zさん:"どうぞ。"
Aさん:「ん。まだ熟していない。」
Zさん:"What? How dare you!  Those bananas bust their butts studying every afternoon after school!"
Aさん:「Yeah... that's true... and I would like to see them get into a good college. 」

Friday, March 8, 2019

Sounds Like a Flower

Aさん:「きれいな花ですね!」
Zさん:"... what a beautiful... nose?"
Aさん:「No, I meant "flower". In Japanese, the words for nose and flower are both pronounced "hana".」
Zさん:"... so... they're... 'hana-phones'? "
Aさん:「... what?... 」

Friday, March 1, 2019

Alaska

Aさん:「I was reading online about this guy who lives in Alaska.  After several blizzards, he was snowed in to his house, and could not get out for months.  He died because of ... well... cabin fever.」
Zさん:"Wow... so you're saying... vases are not only infectious, but also deadly?"
Aさん:「。。。」

Saturday, February 23, 2019

Cinderella

Zさん:"Wanna hear a joke?"
Aさん:「Yes, but I doubt you could supply one...」
Zさん:"... anyway... what is Cinderella's favorite song?"
Aさん:「I don't know.」
Zさん:"硝子の靴時代の。。。"
Aさん:「... ha! and her love interest is Prince ジャニー。」

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Happy Valentine's Day

テレビ:"Every Kiss begins with Kay!"

Zさん:"Every kiss begins with 「エ」"
Bさん:「。。。」
Zさん:"Well it does."
Bさん:「Some people are hopeless romantics.  You're just hopeless.」



Friday, February 8, 2019

The Buzz

Zさん:”Hey look, a bee hive! ... so what is Japanese word for ‘bee’ anyway?”
Aさん:「ハチ、just like the number 8. That’s because bees communicate with each other by dancing in a figure-eight pattern. Pretty cool, huh?」
Zさん:"I guess, but 無限大 would be even cooler.”

Friday, February 1, 2019

Name That Season

Zさん:"There was a blizzard last night! We're snowed in!"
Aさん:「Aw, nuts!」
Zさん:"... or more accurately, 'Aw, 冬!' "
Aさん:「。。。」

Friday, January 25, 2019

Pretty Woman

Zさん:"Look at the pretty blonde woman over there.”
Aさん:「You should go talk to her!」
Zさん:"You know, I think I will.”

。。。

Zさん:"Hi, I’m Z.”
女:"I’m Kim Potts.”
Zさん:”Yes. Yes you are.”

Saturday, January 19, 2019

おどるポンポコリン

「なんでもかんでもみんな
おどりをおどっているよ

おなべの中から ボワっと
インチキおじさん 登場

いつだって わすれない
。。。」

Zさん:"... Zさんは えらい人!"
Aさん:「そんなの。。。常識。。。じゃない」

Friday, January 11, 2019

二つの建物

Aさん:「今日、忙しい?」
Zさん:”そうですね。としょうかんにパスポートを更新する。それから、大使館に本を返す。”
Aさん:「Yeah... don’t forget to check your チーズ。」

Friday, January 4, 2019

Shrine

Zさん:"This Japanese shrine is pretty cool. What are these two dog-lion-thing statues at the entrance?"
Aさん:「狛犬です。They are said to ward off evil spirits.」
Zさん:"Wait... why does one have its mouth open and the other have its mouth closed?"
Aさん:「One is saying 'あ' which is the first character in the Japanese syllabary, and the other is saying 'ん' which is the last character.」
Zさん:"So another way to look at it is ... the alpha and the omega?"
Aさん:「... you just blew my mind ...」