Zさん：”Would you like to hear one of my classic jokes?”
Aさん：「No, but I have a feeling you will tell me anyway.」
Zさん："What is Quark’s mother’s favorite beverage?”
Aさん：「I don’t know.」
Aさん：「Very clever... ヒューマン。」
Zさん："Here's my car, over here."
Zさん："Yup, what do you drive?"
Zさん："<snicker> So is your auto mechanic Mr. Unkoski?"
Aさん：「。。。Seriously? Low brow? I thought we were better than that.」
Zさん："Ok, so I understand where the Yokosuka Line goes, and I understand where the Tokaido Line goes, but where does the Yamanote Line go?”
Aさん：「Around Tokyo. Think of it as the “circle line”」
Zさん："Ok, so, let me see if I understand this. Endō is the name of the wrestler. Ikimasu is the verb ‘to go’, and, oh!, the imperative form of ikimasu is ‘ike’. Likewise the verb ganbaremasu means ‘to do one’s best’, and the imperative form of that is ‘ganbare’. So altogether, that would be, Mr. Endō, go and go and do your best!”
Aさん：「... you’re not a sports guy are you?」
Zさん："I read that recently scientists performed an experiment, and they successfully used an enzyme to change type A, B, and AB blood into type O." *
Aさん：「Wow! That's incredible!」
Zさん："Yeah, and in a related experiment they were able to turn Pisces, Tauri, and Gemini into Leos."
Piggy: “Oh, Kermie, that show was so much fun! And it’s still early! Maybe we could get something to eat, or I guess we could go home...”
Kermit : “... um, Piggy, well, ... 帰るよ。”
Fozzie : “... 熊よ。ワカワカ！”
Zさん:”I have a riddle for you!”
Aさん:「Oh how I love these! ... go on...」
Zさん:“If you see a rainbow in Japan, what time is it?”
Aさん:「I don’t know.」
Aさん:「Ha! I see what you did there.... nice...」
Maureen: "Hey, Z! How are you?"
Zさん："Maureen, hi! I'm good, what's new?"
Maureen: "Well... I got engaged! I'd like you to meet my fiance, John Agga. Of course, I will be taking his name."
Zさん："... so... can I have some free snacks?"
Zさん："Hey, in this Japanese article, what are the little ひらがな above the 漢字？"
Aさん：「That's what's known as ふりがな。It is a pronunciation guide for difficult 漢字。」
Zさん："Oh, I get it! Like, hurry up, you're gonna read it."
Aさん：「... a way to remember... a way to remember... Nice!」
給仕："Hi, welcome to Applebees, are you ready to place your order?"
Cさん：「Yes. Steak, please.」
給仕："Excellent choice, that comes with soup or salad."
Cさん：「Salad. But, please no ... scallion ball.」
給仕："Of course, sir, no .. wait, what?"
Zさん: “Wait... why are you guys talking about rice?”
Aさん:「No, you misunderstand. The word ごはん means both ‘meal’ and ‘rice’. It’s because rice has been an important part of Japanese meals for a long time.」
Zさん: “Oh! I get it. So, the American equivalent would be ‘Have you eaten burger yet?’ ‘No. I haven’t eaten burger yet. Have you?’ “
Aさん：「So, yeah, my cat was very old, and she had cancer, and her life was miserable, so we decided to 安楽死 。」
Zさん："... unlucky she indeed."
Aさん：「... Why is it that the brazenly inconsiderate mnemonic devices are the most effective?」
Zさん:”Being bilingual can be tricky. For example, take the word カラオケ。If you pronounce it ‘kala-o-k’, Americans will think you are a pompous jerk. If you pronounce it ‘Carry-Okee’ Japanese people will think you are an inarticulate clod.”
Aさん:「You can’t win, dude, just shut up and sing.」
Bさん：「Did you get a chance to read my poem?」
Bさん：「Really? It gave you good feelings?」
Zさん："...sure... the thought might have crossed my mind that you have exquisite Chinese character penmanship... but ... sure..."
Zさん："Would you like to hear a riddle?"
Aさん：「You do realize these are bad puns and not riddles... but ok.」
Zさん："What do you call a Japanese person who makes a mess eating cake?”
Aさん：「I don't know, what?」
Zさん："クラムジー. Get it? With an 'r'? "
Aさん：「No, no, yeah, I got it.」
Zさん："... so anyway, I was thinking that, as far as US presidents go so far, Barack Obama is the second to last, making him the... the... なんでしょうか。。。"
Aさん：「Congratulations! You are an English speaker, and you could not remember an English term, and you expressed that fact using a Japanese phrase. You are officially bilingual! ... and the word you are thinking of, by the way, is 'penultimate'.」
Zさん："... um... なるほど。"
Aさん：「You did it again!」
Zさん："Hey, was Bob Hope a renowned liar?"
Aさん：「Why would you ask that? Bob Hope was awesome.」
Zさん："Yeah, but I saw this picture of him in front of a crowd of army guys, and behind him was a huge sign, in capital letters reading: 'USO'"
Aさん：「Hey, you must be the new guy. I'm A, and these are X and Z.」
Tom："Nice to meet you. My name is Tom Aneggi."
Aさん：「*snicker* So, can I put you in a salad, or maybe in French soup.」
Xさん：「Or, could I deep fry rings of you, or maybe saute you over a steak.」
Tom："Yeah, yeah, I've heard them all before."
Zさん："Oh, oh... I got one. If I cut you, will I cry?"
Aさん：「。。。Dude, don't be weird。」
Tom："... It's actually pretty clever..."
トルーパー："Lord Vader, sorry to interrupt your... fight with your son..., but the shield around the Death Star has been turned off. It appears that a bunch of furry stone age beings on Endor somehow over-powered our imperial troops."
ダース・ベイダー："<mechanical respiration> So... 言い訳はEwok, eh?"
トルーパー："... my lord?"
ダース・ベイダー："Soon, you will appreciate the humor, of the dark side..."
Zさん："You know, I never quite understood why Japanese people use the verb 'to drink' to describe ingesting medicine in pill form. It doesn't make sense to me."
Aさん：「Is English that much better, i.e. to 'take' medicine. What, like to prom?」
Zさん："... ha!... that's a funny mental image... an aspirin in a formal gown."
Aさん：「。。。well, if you'll excuse me, I have to get my grandma to drink a pill.」
Zさん："Sometimes in American high schools and colleges, Japanese language instructors say that the measure of the ability to read the Japanese language, is the aptitude for reading 日本の新聞。I respectfully disagree. In my opinion, a more accurate measure of the ability to read the Japanese language, is the aptitude for reading カラオケ・スクリーン。Seriously. Especially after a few ビール"
Zさん："Hey Bさん, what's new?"
Bさん：「I have big news. You know how I have always been an artistic person. Well, I recently started my own company to design and sell traditional Japanese hand fans.」
Zさん："That makes センス."
Cさん：「So... my car... is ok?」
メカニック:"Mostly. I changed your oil and filter, topped off the other fluids, checked the breaks and transmission, and they are all fine. The only problem is, you need a new muffler."
Cさん：「My car... needs... a scarf?」
Zさん："ね、ね、I have a riddle for you."
Aさん：「Oh, here we go...」
Zさん："What do you call a string of 100,000 characters?"
Aさん：「I don't know, what?」
Aさん：「Yeah, I didn't like that movie, but I still liked it better than your puns.」
結婚式 プリースト: "... and so, Xさん、Yさん、by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you, husband and wife, you may kiss the bride!" Xさん：「夢 indeed!」 Yさん：「Xさん。。。」 Zさん：" *sniff* Sappy puns at weddings always make me cry!"
Zさん："So, the Japanese phrase for football, American not soccer, is アメフト, and the Japanese phrase for 'It's raining' is あめふる。Very similar, right? Well, if you think about it, the financial juggernaut that is the National Football League definitely 'Makes it rain' for many wealthy investors. Is that a coincidence?"