十度

Bさん：「外の気温は何度ですか？」
Aさん：「十度。」
Zさん："僕は剣道のほが好きだよ。"
Bさん：「？」

丸と零

Zさん："What's the deal with the kanji 丸？ It means round or circular but that character is anything but, with all the jagged and pointy lines. I think the kanji for まる should be 「〇」"

Aさん：「and don't get him started on 零」

Zさん："and don't get me start on 零. Why is the kanji for zero, a simple concept, such a complicated character?"

Aさん：「never tire of that particular tirade...」

Brain Game

Zさん： "Good morning, Dr. R"
R先生：「Good morning, Z, how are you?」
Zさん："Fine thanks, how are you?"
R先生：「I am well, thanks. So today I would like to give you a psychological test. I will say a word or phrase, and you say the first thing that pops into your mind, ok?」
Zさん："Ok."
R先生：「Dog」
Zさん："犬"
R先生：「Water」
Zさん："水"
R先生：「Seven」
Zさん："しち"
R先生：「Pencil」
Zさん："鉛筆"
R先生：「Are you just saying the Japanese translation of what I am saying?」
Zさん："通訳"
R先生：「Ok, please stop」
Zさん："辞めて"
R先生：「。。。」 

Mr. Mendo

Aさん：「Eくん、食器を洗ってごらん。」
Eくん：「だって、面倒くさいんだもん。」
Zさん："Who is this Mendo character, and why is he so stinky?"

The Rice Fugue

Zさん："What famous musician wrote 'The Rice Fugue'?"
Aさん：「I don't know, who?」
Zさん："ご飯セバスチャン・バッハ"

Hi エド

Aさん：「Hi, my name is A.」
Edさん："Hi A, my name is Ed."
Aさん：「So I guess Japanese people call you エド。」
Edさん："Yeah, except in texting I get しるし sometimes。"
Aさん：「... it's no <3 or o_O, but still mildly clever.」

トトロ

Zさん："Why did Tokyo guided tours stop showing 'My Neighbor Totoro'?"
Aさん：「I don't know, why?」
Zさん："Because Neko Bus ate Hato Bus."

Double Rainbow

Aさん：「The other day I saw something really cool in the sky: a double rainbow!」
Zさん："So... you saw a 四じ...?"

Happy Hallow三三n

Zさん： "Happy Halloween!"
Aさん：「Back atcha!」
Zさん："So do you know who lives in that creepy old house at the end of the block?"
Aさん：「That is the old lady known as the #3 killer.」
Zさん："Why is she..."
お祖母さん："Die Sonny! Die Sonny! Die Sonny!"
Zさん："ooooh I get it, I mean, Run! I don't want the last moments of my life spent discussing moderately clever bilingual wordplay!" 

Cooperating Radicals

Zさん："The kanji for 協力 (きょうりょく) makes me smile. All the various chikara radicals working together. Nice."

TBS

Aさん：「There's this news & informational show on TBS called 'Asa-Chan' that I used to watch, but it was recently cancelled. I'm so disappointed!」
Zさん："I thought TBS just showed Big Bang Theory reruns and miscellaneous mediocre comedy shows."
Aさん：「What?」
Zさん："What?"

Zany Mnemonic Devices

1. I am a roo, I apologize.

2. Was a toe, on purpose

3. Koto was a proverb.

4. Now a rope.

Zさん："I tried to create clever mnemonic devices by saying a Japanese word followed by its English translation, but the end result was chinpunkan gibberish."

Tammy

Zさん："Hey, what is this word: 堪らない?"
Aさん：「堪らない is 'unbearable'。」
Tammy Nye: "... Well that's not very nice ... "

Uncanny Resemblance

Dクン：「Eクン！久しぶり！」
Eクン：「あっ！Dクン！久しぶりね！」

ーー

Zさん："Is it just me or does 'hisa' look like 'ku', but with a mullet?"

Dクン：「Mullet? How old are you?」

Name the Dentist

Aさん：「Hey Zさん, I would like you to meet a friend E. Shaw. He's a dentist.」
Zさん："Hi, E. Shaw"
E. Shaw: "Yes. Yes I am."

肩

Zさん："The kanji for shoulder (kata) is so apt, it makes me smile. It literally looks like an x-ray of... a human shoulder."

As Do The Locals

Aさん：「Want to go to a Japanese restaurant for dinner?」
Zさん："Sure! I love Japanese food. Or as they call it in Japan... 'food'."
Aさん：「In Japan they call it 食べ物。」
Zさん："。。。"

What An Olympic Medal Means

Aさん：「So the Tokyo Olympics are over.」
Zさん："Yeah. Any idea how skateboarder Funa Nakayama did?"
Aさん：「She got bronze.」
ミスタースパーコル：「D'oh!」
Zさん："Yes. Yes it is."

Representing Snakeland

Zさん："If a snake wins an event at the Olympics, what music do they play?"
Aさん：「I don't know, what?」
Zさん："蛇メダル"

The Lesser メダル

Aさん：「Those Olympic athletes are incredible.」
Zさん："I know, right? The best in the world!"
Aさん：「And the 金メダル winners are the best of the best.」
Zさん："金メダル？ I couldn't win even a 日、月、or 火 メダル！"
Aさん：「。。。」

こい

Bさんは料理しています。

Bさん：「I am making soba for dinner. Do you prefer the dipping sauce being more on the weak side or more on the strong side?」
Zさん："Definitely strong. I love strong flavors and sauces. Some people might even call me 濃いびと。"
Bさん：「... yeah... no... no one is calling you that.」

オリンピック

Tokyo 2020: 五輪 or go home.

遠慮してください

BさんとZさんは夕飯を食べています。

Zさん："... and you know it is interesting, the Japanese words for miso soup (味噌汁) and sweat (汗) contain the same kanji."
Bさん：「uh huh... so... first of all, that's not true, those kanji are slightly different, and secondly, are you enjoying the lovely meal I prepared for you?」
Zさん："I ... um... oh... of course!😅heh heh delicious!"
Bさん：「馬鹿。」

おかしのおかし

教室でです。

先生：「それから、七かける八は。。。？。。。Dくん？」
Dくん：「知らない。」
先生：「Dくん、頑張って！重視ですよ！」

ミスタースパーコル："Mmm... Juicy..."

ランドセル

Dくん：「Hi Mr. Z!」

Zさん："Hey Dくん, good to see you. What is that you're holding?"

Dくん：「ランドセル！」

Zさん："Hmm... The real estate market will peak in the near future, so it is a prudent financial strategy to divest now." 

Dくん：「Um.... to carry books... and... what?」

大丈夫猿

Zさん："The kanji for 大丈夫 makes me smile. It's kind of like the 'See no evil, Hear no evil, Speak no evil' monkeys... but in kanji."

Snacks

Zさん："何を食べますか？"
Aさん：「オニギリ。」
Zさん："... your ogre-in-law?"
Aさん：「？」

Juice

Zさん："何を飲みますか？"
Aさん：「Acai juice.」
Zさん："That's smart, don't drown."
Aさん：「？」

Birthday 降り出す

皆さん：「Zさん！誕生日おめでとう！」
Zさん："Aw, you guys!"
皆さん：「ハッピー・バースデー・ツー・ユー。ハッピー・バースデー・ツー・ユー。」
Zさん："Wait. It's the rainy season's birthday?"

うっせぇわ

「正しさとは愚かさとは
それが何か見せつけてやる。。。」

＊消す＊

Zさん："... and so without further Ado..."

May The GW Be With You

Zさん："May The Fourth Be With You!"
Aさん：「Happy Golden Week!」
Zさん："... huh... I never realized Star Wars Day is part of Golden Week."
Aさん：「Absolutely it is! Every year this time of year Darth Vader goes to Hawaii, Yoda visits family in Saitama, and all the younglings at the Jedi Academy put 鯉のぼり on their light sabers.」
Zさん："Cool!..."

数える

カウントさん："アハハ！億千万！億千万！アハハ！"

８０年代、カウントさんは郷 ひろみの大ファンでした。

Rhino on a Bike

Zさん："What do you say if you see a rhinoceros riding towards you on a motorcycle?"
Aさん：「I don't know, what?」
Zさん："サイ来る！" 

ごちそう

Zさん："ピザ好きですか？"
Aさん：「大好きよ。四六時中食べてる。」
Zさん："Oh My God! You've been eating pizza for 46 hours straight? Dude, think of your health!" 

This Is Not A Haiku

英語では
俳句全然
できません

美味しくてリラックス

Zさん："What do you call it if you sit around doing nothing except eating cashews and almonds?"

Aさん：「I don't know, what?」

Zさん："ナッツ休み.。"

日本語の謎

痒い
膝
太陽
彼女
行く
石
お婆ちゃん
暑いチーズ
列
ユダヤ人

Zさん：" 分かりますか？😉"

March Madness 2021

Aさん：「March Madness!」
Zさん："NCAA basketball tournament! I have to get a hold of my bookie."
Cさん：「。。。College basketball is。。。violent?」

ジャネー

Zさん："。。。じゃ、また来週ね。"
Bさん：「はい、さよなら、じゃねー、バイバイ。」
Zさん：" Bye-bye, and don't call me Johnny."

島

Aさん：「Man, I hate covid. I'm stuck at home alone. I don't interact with any other people. It is so stressful!」
Zさん："Hang in there man, I hear you.  We're all in this together. No man is an island."
小島さん：「*ahem*」
Zさん：  "... yeah, 小島さん, I'm aware..."

Smart Food

Bさん：「I have heard good things about this Japanese restaurant. What do you think you'll order?」
Zさん："Everything looks so good. But what I won't order is miso, I don't like that flavor. Miso shiru, miso soba, etc. I can tell you I will definitely eat no miso."
Bさん：「... what are you a zombie?」

Jeopardy!

Zさん："On 2/12/21, on the American game show 'Jeopardy!',  the champion's name was John Focht, the guest host was Ken Jennings, and the answer to one of the clues was 'Rock, Paper, Scissors'. John... Ken... what?!? 🤯You can't make this stuff up." 

パイ

Yさん：「So what do you think of the pie? How does it taste?」
Zさん："Very good! Really apple-y!"
Cさん：「アプリ？スマホの味？」

あいにく。。。

Aさん：「My doctor told me that my blood is too unhealthy, and he said I must avoid red meat. But I love meat!」
Zさん："🎵 肉を食べない。あいにく、肉愛！"
Aさん：「Eating only vegetables is boring!」
Zさん："🎵 肉を食べない。あいにく、肉愛！"
Aさん：「What's the point of living a long time if you are miserable?」
Zさん："🎵 肉を食べない。あいにく、肉愛！"
Aさん：「Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first time」
Zさん："🎵 肉を食べない。あいにく、肉愛！"
Aさん：「Wow, you're like a dog with a bone with this thing, which is appropriate I guess because we are discussing meat eating.」

10K Run

Aさん：「So I hear you are an avid runner.」
Zさん："Yeah, I do different kinds of runs. Marathon, Half Marathon, 5K. But I think the 10K is the epitome."
Aさん：「I've heard of the runner's high. That statement is the runner's tautology.」

Wanna Hear A Dirty Joke?

Zさん："Wanna hear a dirty joke?"
Aさん：「... ok ... 」
Zさん："Why is a map dirty if it only has east, west, and south?"
Aさん：「I don't know, why?」
Zさん："Because it is きたない。"

罰する

Dくん：「Mom, Dad, I'm really sorry I got in a car accident.」

Xさん：「You better be! That's it, you're being punished! No car privileges, for the next month, you have to take the bus!」

Dくん：「... oh ... so that's why they call it 罰する。」

Elephant's Warmth

Aさん：「寒い！I am so cold! 暖房がいる！」
Zさん："I don't think a flying elephant would help."

Lunch Weather

Zさん："In winter, what happens to weathermen after lunch?"
Aさん：「I don't know, what?」
Zさん："-3度。"
Aさん：「... （笑）... what?」