This blog is one gaijin's attempt to learn Japanese through mnemonics, puns, and general linguistic absurdity.

Looking for Fractalsmith Games? Sorry, but Ed Siewert, the creative force behind Fractalsmith, has decided to focus his efforts on making cheesy Japanese puns instead of cheesy computer games.

Friday, November 15, 2019

Basketball

Dくん:「Ok, around the back, left-hand layup, nothing but net.」
Eくん:「Got it.」

Eくん attempts... but fails.

Dくん:「あっ!You've got 「う」!」

--

Games of horse are much shorter in Japan. Not because of a lack of talent, but because of a lack of カナ。

Friday, November 8, 2019

忙しい

Zさん:"I was looking at the kanji for 忙しい, and I thought to myself, 'There is a big gap in this character. It is almost as if whoever designed it, was too busy, and could not find the time to finish it."

Friday, November 1, 2019

「に」

お爺さん:「Stop! What is your name?」
Aさん:「Aです。」
お爺さん:「What is your quest?」
Aさん:「To seek the Holy Grail.」
お爺さん:「What is the color of the go traffic signal?」
Aさん:「青い。」
お爺さん:「You may pass.」

お爺さん:「Stop! What is your name?」
Zさん:”Zです。”
お爺さん:「What is your quest?」
Zさん:”To seek the Holy Grail.”
お爺さん:「What is the color of the go traffic signal?」
Zさん:”Blue. ... no Green... Aaaaaaa!”

Saturday, October 26, 2019

空港

Zさん:"... so I am flying to Hawaii for a nice week's vacation.  Where are you going?"
Cさん:「ヨーロッパ。」
Zさん:"... do you have a layover on Ganymede?"

Saturday, October 12, 2019

米国 v 日本, Part II

Zさん:"It's playoff time in America. Over the past few years, the MLB has been incorporating more and more video replay rules. Managers can challenge rulings on the field. On a challenged play, the refs pour over video, frame by excruciating frame, to determine if a fielders glove did in fact tag out a runner, for example.

"I once saw a baseball (or, 野球, if you will) game in Japan. At one point there was a runner on first, and the batter hit the ball to deep left field. The runner tried to make it all the way home, but the outfielder made an amazing throw to home plate.  The catcher caught the ball before the runner arrived, and tried to tag him out. The catcher's mitt (with the ball) missed the tag by a good 6 inches.  The runner was obviously safe.  But the umpire ruled him out.

"No one complained. No one booed.  There was no video review. No one kicked dirt onto the shoes of the umpire.  Everyone just accepted the call matter-of-factly.

"I have some theories why this happened. One, sometimes what should have happened, tells a better story than what actually happened, and Japanese people adjust the truth accordingly. Or two, it is really, really, engrained in the Japanese psyche to never challenge authority figures.

“Or maybe, just maybe, Japanese people realize baseball is just a game, and America takes sports way too seriously.”

Saturday, October 5, 2019

Sushi-ya

寿司職人:「いらっしゃいませ!」
Zさん:"こんにちは!。。。あのー。。。えと。。。あっ!ホタテください。"
寿司職人:「はい!ほたりますよ!」
Zさん:"...?"

Friday, September 27, 2019

KitKat

Zさん:"It looks like Japan is the core market Nestle uses to trial run crazy new KitKat flavors. There's Strawberry KitKat, Sake KitKat, Roasted Tea KitKat, ... and look at this! Peach Mint*!"
Aさん:「Peach Mint, huh. I wonder what's in Peach Mint.」
Zさん:"... well... all you have to do is read the U.S. Constitution."

* This is a real thing!