This blog is one gaijin's attempt to learn Japanese through mnemonics, puns, and general linguistic absurdity.

Looking for Fractalsmith Games? Sorry, but Ed Siewert, the creative force behind Fractalsmith, has decided to focus his efforts on making cheesy Japanese puns instead of cheesy computer games.

Friday, July 19, 2019

Particle Man

先生:「... and as we know, through the use of the Large Hadron Collider, scientists proved the existence of the Higgs Boson Particle.  Now, would someone please explain the function of the Higgs Boson, as arguably the most important particle... Mr. Z?」
Zさん:"Um... 私 Higgs Boson Mr. Z です。"
先生:「Once again, Mr. Z, you are as insightful as you are reverent.」

Saturday, July 13, 2019

Is There Anything They Can't Do?


Zさん:"Aさん!久しぶり!How's life in Japan?"
Aさん:「Great! But the weather is changing. Spring was beautiful and refreshing, but summer...」

ミスタースパーコル:"Mmm... Donuts..."


Friday, July 5, 2019


Aさん:「That Japanese actor is on all the TV talk shows recently.」
Zさん:"Yeah, he's the latest end of the eagle's foot."
Aさん:「... end ... of ...?」
Zさん:"Talon Toe"
Aさん:「... Rest assured, one does not become a talon toe by creating extremely lame puns.」

Friday, June 28, 2019


Xさん:「... yeah, so since my wife and I are just too busy with work these days, we will have to hire someone to watch the kids. You know, a nanny.」
Zさん:"A what."
Xさん:「A nanny.」
Zさん:"A what."
Xさん:「A nanny.」
Zさん:"A what."
Xさん:「I ... don't ... 」
Zさん:"Third Base."

Friday, June 21, 2019

If Japanese People Had Invented Hexadecimal


Friday, June 14, 2019


Aさん:「How is planning for your trip going?」
Zさん:"Ok. The only flight I could get was with a layover in Boston.  What is the name of the airport there?"
Zさん:"... as in the pilots are old and have bad eye sight? That does not fill me with confidence."

Friday, June 7, 2019

Zurui Onna?

Zさん:"Hi, I'm Z. And you are...?"
女:"My name is Sharon Quimby, but my friends call me 'Sharon Q'."
Zさん:"... Bye bye, Arigatou, Sayonara!"
女:"Either you are really old, or that is like the worst pick-up line ever."
Zさん:"It's both."