Friday, February 5, 2016

Vampire

Zさん:"So you are a real, live vampire?"
Vさん:"Well technically an undead one, but yes."
Zさん:"And you are basically immortal, right?"
Vさん:"Yes. In fact, tomorrow is my 10,000th birthday."
Zさん:"... 一万歳?... 万歳!"


Friday, January 29, 2016

Cooking

Aさん:「So how's single life treating you?」
Zさん:"Not bad.  I think the biggest adjustment is learning to cook for myself."
Aさん:「Like what?」
Zさん:"Well, I came up with this one dish.  It is a single serving of a kind of seasoned stew with various meats and vegetables."
Aさん:「Sounds good, what do you call it?」
Zさん:"Hitori Goulash."


Friday, January 22, 2016

Complex Complexion

Aさん:「にきび!にきび!にきび!」
Zさん:"Dude, whoa! What the hell! Are you making fun of a girl with acne? That is totally uncool!"
Aさん:「Huh? Oh! You don't understand, it's not like that. That's my friend Nicole Braxqivicz.  We call her Nicki B. for short.」
Zさん:"...oh...well... ok then."
Aさん:「Interestingly enough, she has beautiful, clean, smooth skin and appreciates the irony of her nickname.」

Friday, January 15, 2016

Warner Bros. Anime

Foghorn Leghorn: "あせ、あせ、It is hotter in here than the dog days of summer. あせ、あせ、It is hotter than a magnifying glass focusing sunlight on a June bug."

(Zさん:"You know, considering that roosters don't have sweat glands, this guy sure talks about sweat a lot.")



Friday, January 8, 2016

アメフト

アナウンサー:"... and it's fourth and goal at the one yard line for the Packers, and it looks like they're bringing in fullback John Kuhn to try and punch this one in..."
観客:"くんくん、くんくん"
アナウンサー:"... and listen to those Packer fans cheering him on..."
観客:"くんくん、くんくん"
アナウンサー:"... either that or they can smell victory..."
観客:"くんくん、くんくん"
アナウンサー:"...or both..."
観客:"ゴーパックゴー"



Friday, January 1, 2016

Calendar

Zさん: “So I've been wondering about Japanese calendar terms.”
Aさん: 「何?」
Zさん: “きょう means 'today', right, so one would expect きょねん to mean 'this year', but it doesn't, it means 'last year.'
Aさん: 「Well, yeah, because of the kanji。。。」
Zさん: “Furthermore, せんしゅう means 'last week', and せんげつ means 'last month', so one would expect 'last year' to be せんねん.”
Aさん: 「Are you implying that the Japanese language should be changed for the convenience of foreigners? Well, ok, how about this. きょねん can be changed to mean 'this year' and せんねん can mean last year, but in fairness, changes need to be made to English, too: the names of the months should be changed to 'MonthOne', 'MonthTwo', 'MonthThree' 。。。」
Zさん: “... um... nevermind.”


Friday, December 25, 2015

The question

A子さん:「B子、元気?」
B子さん:「元気です。」
A子さん:「あのね、彼氏は求婚しました!」
B子さん:「本当?こんやく?おめでとう!」

(Zくん:"Mmm... こんにゃく...")