This blog is one gaijin's attempt to learn Japanese through mnemonics, puns, and general linguistic absurdity.

Looking for Fractalsmith Games? Sorry, but Ed Siewert, the creative force behind Fractalsmith, has decided to focus his efforts on making cheesy Japanese puns instead of cheesy computer games.

Friday, December 25, 2015

The question


(Zくん:"Mmm... こんにゃく...")

Friday, December 18, 2015


Zさん:"Hey man, thank you for letting me stay at your place while I am visiting California."
Aさん:"Not at all.  Mi casa es su casa."
Zさん:"... that's great, but I don't really need an umbrella."

Friday, December 11, 2015


(   )に入れるのに最もよいものをえらびなさい。

1。彼女を(   )する。

1. キッス    2.くそ

2。(   )に住んでいる。

1. うんち    2.うち


Zくん:”Dude, is it just me or has the JLPT taken a rather dark turn this year?"

Friday, December 4, 2015

In Charge

Zくん:"... um ... The Lone Ranger?"

Friday, November 27, 2015


弟:「おはよう。Hey, check it out.  I made waffles in the shapes of all the letters of the English alphabet. Pretty cool, huh?」
兄:「Man, I am starving. Give me those waffles.」
弟:「Hey! Leggo my 英語!」

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Zさん: “The State Department had its funding cut, so they have instituted a new policy.”
Aさん: 「Really? What is it?
Zさん: “外交: 15 minutes could save you 15% or more.”

Saturday, November 14, 2015

Taxi Fare

Aさん:「遅いです。If we are going to make it to the movie in time, we'll have to take a taxi.
Zさん:“I suppose, but taxis are expensive. In a way, they hurt my wallet. You might say...”
Aさん:「Oh please no...
Zさん:“間に合う、Money Ow.”

Saturday, November 7, 2015

The Enterprise NCC-1701-D is attacked by Godzilla.

Riker: "Captain, the only way for us to defeat Godzilla is to destroy the sleep in his eyes.  It is his one weakness.  Shall I begin the attack?"
Picard: "目くそ?Make it so."

Saturday, October 31, 2015

West Coast Baroque

Bさん: 「I have an idea.  Let's go to a バッ ハ。。。」
Zさん: “Baja California! Yes! The sun! The surf! The awesome weather!”
Bさん: 「。。。J S バッ ハ コンサート。 A performance of “Toccata and Fugue in D Minor"。」

Sometimes Baroque music concerts have a disproportionately large number of surfer dudes in the audience.

Saturday, October 24, 2015


Zさん:"Hey, get this.  How do you say 'I am a taxi' in Japanese?"
Aさん:「I dunno, how」

Saturday, October 17, 2015



Zくん: “ 'Do I like the mental process of liking'? That raises an interesting philosophical point. Could anyone actually dislike the mental process of likingUnless you instead meant 'skiing with skis', but I am not sure how one would go skiing without skis.”


Sunday, October 11, 2015

Brad Pitt は 家に帰ります。

Brad: "ただいま"
Angelina: "Hi you!"
Brad: "... um... 女優..."

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

The Caribbean.

Zさん:"Did you hear?  There was an outbreak of a new strain of chicken pox on several Caribbean islands.  Over 10,000 infected."
Aさん:「Wow.  So that means...」
Zさん:"Yup, 一万... itchy...mon."

Saturday, October 3, 2015


Zさん: “Yeah, that is one of those few things in life that is both 臭い and 面倒くさい.”

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Commander Sulu meets Q.

Sulu: 「So you're 九。Well, then, who is number 1?」

Saturday, September 26, 2015


Zさん:"... 一回だけで十分だよ。"

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Aさん:「Remember the rock songs from the '80s? They were so upbeat and filled with hope.
Zさん: “Yeah, 楽観, man!”

Sunday, September 20, 2015


Aさん:「Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Zさん:“I have two younger sisters, both named Susan.”
Aさん:「Well, if they are both named Susan, how do you tell them apart?
Zさん:“The older one we call Sue, the younger one we call Sue Echo.”

Saturday, September 19, 2015

An auction?


Bさん:「Zさん、優しいです、ありがとう。Thank you!
Zさん: “四十”

There's some ginger.

Zさん: “ショウガあるよ。”