No Ants at a Picnic

Zさん："The other day I went on a picnic with my girlfriend. We went to a nice park and set up a blanket on the grass. It was good food and great company. Then out of nowhere, 10 ants climbed onto the blanket and headed for the food."
Aさん：「Oh no!」
Zさん："Right? But luckily an anteater showed up, and gobbled up the ants!" 
Aさん：「So what did you do?」
Zさん："What do you think? I said 蟻が十。"

普段

 Zさん："Here's a quick mnemonic device to remember the Japanese word 普段 (ふだん、hudan, which means 'usually'). In predictable, uncreative murder mystery stories, it is 'usually' obvious 'hudan' it."  

大雨

Bさん：「After the heavy rain storm, were you and your cat ok?」
Aさん：「I was fine. It was... あの... Sheba who got soaked.」
Cさん：「Why would ... a wet lawn matter?」
Bさん：「？」
Aさん：「？」 

Stinky Rhino

Dくん：「Hi Mr. Z!」
Zさん："Hey little man, how are you?"
Dくん：「Good! Wanna hear a funny joke?」
Zさん："Sure"
Dくん：「What do you say when a rhinoceros farts?」
Zさん："... I don't know ... what... "
Dくん：「サイオナラ！」
Zさん："... as fart jokes go, that's actually pretty good..." 

Eternity

Zさん："Hey. What's the Japanese word for 'eternity'?"
Aさん：「永遠。」
Zさん："... Fine... What's the Japanese word for 'an eternity'?

El Barto

Homer: "Bart! Did you pour out all my beer? Why you little..."
Bart: "Don't have a cow, man!"
--
Zさん："Wow, talk about losing face..."

万一

Bさん：「I saw the craziest video on YouTube. This golfer made a hole-in-one shot on a par 5 hole! 万一！」
Zさん："I don't know about the term 万一。Literally one out of ten thousand. That is not that rare."
Aさん：「I agree. English is a little better with the phrase "One in a million", but still not great.」
Bさん：「Guys... you are missing the point...」
Zさん："I think a better phrase would be 億一。"
Aさん：「Or even better 兆一。」
Bさん：「If you ask me, the chances you guys will be pedantic in conversation are 一一。」