Shopping List

Zさん："Hey, I'm heading to the supermarket, need anything?"
Aさん：「えーと。アイスとグレープ。」
Zさん："わかった。こうりとぶどう。"
Aさん：「。。。」

The Dos of the Deities

Zさん："ね、ね、I have a riddle for you."
Aさん：「Ok, shoot.」
Zさん："What do you call the hair of the paper god?"
Aさん：「I don't know, what do you call the hair of the paper god?」
Zさん："紙の神の髪の毛。"
Aさん：「... I would find that humorous if it weren't for the borderline Shinto blasphemy.」

Need A Break

Aさん and Zさん are driving in a car and it stops suddenly.

Zさん："Whoa! The car in front of us stopped and we almost crashed into it.  Luckily, your car has those new computer sensors and could stop automatically."
Aさん：「Not exactly.  I just stepped on the breaks in time. 」
Zさん："... no, I think the car stopped automatically. 車がとまる。"
Aさん：「I disagree.  私は車をとめる。」
Zさん："You say とめる and I say とまる."
Aさん：「I say とめる and you say とまる.」
Zさん："とめる"
Aさん：「とまる」
Zさん："とめる"
Aさん：「とまる」
Zさん："レツコールザホールシングオフ。"
Aさん：「。。。What?」

The Window

Zさん："... so like I was telling you, when she..."
Aさん：「あっ！ダメだ！窓をあけっぱなしででかけた！」
Zさん："Yes, you should be punished for leaving your window open."
Aさん：「... and you should be punished for that bad pun.」

Confusion in Numbers

Zさん："I have a Japanese language question for you."
Aさん：「Ok, what?」
Zさん："It is about the suffixes for counting.  It's so confusing.  ほん is used for long narrow objects, まい for flat things, ひき for small animals, だい for large equipment, かい for floors of a building, and こ for whatever else.  So hard to remember, you know.  There's nothing that arbitrarily difficult in English for groups of things."
Aさん：「Seriously? A gaggle of geese, a pride of lions, a clowder of cats, a school of fish, a den of snakes, a tower of giraffes, a murder of crows...」
Zさん："... and, um, a plethora of apologies..."  

Pie

Zさん："Traveling somewhere?"
Aさん：「Yes, actually.  I am going to South Florida and spending some time in the Florida Keys.」
Zさん："Are you going to get some Key Lime Pie?  Not a big fan myself.  I like to say 'You can't spell Key Lime Pie without きらい。"
Aさん：「Ha! ... although I actually love Key Lime Pie and plan on enjoying some.」
Zさん："Fair enough."

青い

Bさん：「青。」

Zさん："..."

Bさん：「青。」

Zさん："???"

Bさん：「青！青！青！」

Zさん："'Ow, ow, ow'? Are you ok? Are you in pain? Do you want to go to a doctor? Or the hospital?"

Bさん：「What? No! The traffic light we're stopped at is 青い, as in 'Green light, go'.」

Zさん："I thought 青い meant blue."

Bさん：「Just drive...」