Foot Locker

Aさん：「OK, welcome to your first day on the job at Foot Locker.  Let me explain what you say to customers when they enter the store.   You greet them, then let them take a seat, then finally, ask them what shoe size they are.」
Zさん："So... size shoe は最終?"
Aさん：「... indeed, but in general, tautologies don't equate to sales. 」

Visiting Europe

Aさん：「So I am going on vacation to Europe.  My plan is to spend exactly one day in each of the capital cities of each country in Europe.  That itinerary is neat, eh?」
Zさん："Every itinerary is 日程."
Aさん：「。。。」
Zさん："What?"

Family Feud

Steve Harvey: "John, there is one correct answer left up on the board, and your family has two strikes.  If you get it right, your family wins.  If not, the Jones family will have a chance to steal.  Are you ready?"
John Smith: "Yes."
Steve Harvey: "Name a celebrity with the last name 'Allen'."
John Smith: "I'll go with Keegan. Keegan Allen."
Steve Harvey: "Ok... for the win... Show Me Keegan!"

--

Zさん："I didn't know Family Feud had an expiration date."

Particle Man

Zさん："日本語の助詞は難しいですから、日本語の助詞はだいきらい。。。違う。。。日本語の助詞をだいきらい。。。えーと。。。でだいきらい。。。にだいきらい。。。の？。。。と？。。。も？。。。"
Aさん：「が」
Zさん："... dammit!"

Napoleon

Zさん："I have a riddle for you."
Aさん：「Ok, shoot.」
Zさん："What was the one thing Napoleon could not do, that caused his conquest to fail."
Aさん：「I don't know, what?」
Zさん："ウォータールーを渡る。"
Aさん：「... that's actually pretty clever.」

Under the Sea

Aさん：「海洋生物学の先生はどこですか？」

Zさん："さがしましたが、先生はどこいませんでした。"
Aさん：「『先生はどこにもいませんでした。』」

Zさん："そーか。ね、ね、それは『ファインディング・にも 』ですね。"

Aさん：「。。。」

Savings

Zさん："ゴミ箱はどこですか？"
Cさん：「リサイクルしてください。。。セーブ。。。アース。」
Zさん："Save us?"
Cさん：「違う。。。セーブ。。。アース」
Zさん："Save (my) ass?"
Cさん：「違う。。。セーブ。。。アース」

Zさん："Oh! Save (the) earth!  Why didn't you say so?"

Cさん：「。。。バーカかな。。。」

Pirates and Stuff

Bさん：「What are you watching?」
Zさん："One Piece."
Bさん：「... so... what, like ふじんふく？」
Zさん："No, it's an アニメ show about pirates and stuff."
Bさん：「... I'd rather watch ふじんふく...」

Flower Garden

Zさん："Bさん、what happened to your flower garden?"
Bさん：「Oh no! It's ruined! Dくん、did you trample my flower garden? You are in hot water mister!」
Dくん：「湯 is hot water.」
Zさん："... well, he's got you there."

。。。の巻き

Bさん：「Everything on the menu at this restaurant looks great.  Let's start with an appetizer.  Craving anything in particular?」
Zさん："エート。腹巻食べたい。"
Bさん：「。。。I've heard of people wearing those on their tummies for warmth, but I don't think eating one would have the same effect.」
Zさん："。。。春巻き。。。うるさい。"

ジョブの名前

Zさん："Bさん、こんにちは！"
Bさん：「こんにちは！元気ですか？」
Zさん："元気だよ。Bさん, this is my friend, Tatsu.  He works for クロネコヤマト。"
Bさん：「Hi, Tatsu.」
Tatsuさん：「Yes, exactly.」

At the Carnival

Zさん："Hey, I'm getting hungry.  Let's stop somewhere to get a bite to eat."
Aさん：「Yeah, I agree.  アメリカンドッグを食べたい。」
Zさん："Wait... what?!? You mean like a golden retriever or a beagle?  What is wrong with you, that's evil!"
Aさん：「... 『 アメリカンドッグ』means 'corn dog'.」
Zさん："... oh... yeah... I knew that... corn dogs are evil, what with the cholesterol and all..."

Mt. Fuji

Bさん：「あっ！みて！富士山が見えます。きれいですね。」
Zさん："You know, as much as Japanese people revere Mt Fuji, you would think they would use the term 富士様."
Bさん：「。。。whatever you say, Z三。」

パーティー

Zさん and Cさん are driving in a car.

Zさん："I've been really looking forward to this party.  It's going to be fun."
Cさん：「Yes.  でも、can we go to スーパー, before?」
Zさん："Sure, but it's back the other way. We'll have to make a u-ey."
Cさん：「。。。『上』を書きます？」

靴

Aさん：「Oh no, it happened again!」
Zさん："What happened?"
Aさん：「My cat coughed up a hairball into my shoe.  He does it every Saturday, like clockwork.  毎週、my shoe!」
Zさん："... your kingdom for your shoe...?"
Aさん：「。。。you're not helping, Catesby」

アニメ国際会話

外人："ペラペラ、ペラペラ、ペラペラ"
日本人：「。。。？。。。fluent, fluent, fluent。」

Star Trek:Voyager

Zさん："I heard you are collecting Star Trek:Voyager action figures. Which one did you want?"
Aさん：「Chakotayください。」
Zさん："... so I should ちゃこる?"

Celery in Space

Zさん："Have you heard about the NASA satellite that is measuring the amount of water in the top 2 inches of soil everywhere on the Earth’s surface?  It is called Soil Moisture Active Passive* or S.M.A.P. for short."
Aさん：「I thought they broke up.」



*NASA really has a SMAP mission, I'm not making this up.  https://smap.jpl.nasa.gov 

Takeout Chinese

Zさん："ただいま！"
Bさん：「おかいり！」
Zさん："I brought home takeout Chinese.  Where do you want to eat?"
Bさん：「居間。」
Zさん："I said 'where' not 'when'."
Bさん：「。。。」

太陽

Aさん：「アメリカでは月曜日に皆既日食が起こります。」
Bさん：「本当？みたい！」

ミスタースパーコル："Mmm... 日食..."

勉強しようよ

Zさん："So, what was your favorite class back in school?"
Aさん：「算数。」
Zさん："... you studied the art of war? ..."

バート & Katsuo

Zさん："You know, I've been thinking about it and Bart Simpson and いそのカツオ are really quite similar."
Aさん：「How so?」
Zさん："Well, they're both spiky-haired, trouble-making tween-agers, they both do poorly in school, and each of their best friends is a non-nerdy kid with glasses, Milhouse and ひろし."
Aさん：「Quite true.」
Zさん："... and ... they each have two sisters and no brothers, and their fathers are bald and have angry catch phrases: 'Why you little!' and 「バカモン！」"
Aさん：「All very true, but you forgot the most important thing.」
Zさん："What's that?"
Aさん：「Each of their respective shows jumped the shark decades ago.」
Zさん："。。。なるほど。"

The Cat's Age

Zさん："How's your cat doing?"
Aさん：「Good.  I recently took him to the vet to get his shots.  You know, I had forgotten my cat's age.  I thought he was 3 years old, but I wasn't sure.  So I asked the vet to check the cat's records, and sure enough, the cat is 3!」
Zさん："So, 先生三歳賛成する?"
Aさん：「Yes... and the vet is third generation American.」

誕生日のライド

Zさん："誕生日おめでとう！"
Aさん：「ありがとうございます！ Glad you could make it, how was the drive over?」
Zさん："Couldn't tell you.  I took the bus."
Aさん：「Really...」
Zさん："You know, I honestly do enjoy riding on the bus.  It's great.  Put it this way... ハッピー、バスで"
Aさん：「。。。I really hope that pun wasn't my present.」

Conversation

Baby Groot："I am Groot."
いくらちゃん：「ハイ！」
Baby Groot："I am Groot."
いくらちゃん：「ハイ！」
Baby Groot："I am Groot."
いくらちゃん：「ハイ！」
Baby Groot："We are Groot."
いくらちゃん：「ビャーブー！」

Zさん："It's true what they say.  Groot minds think alike."

夕食

Bさん：「Guess what I made for dinner?  Steamed broccoli, cauliflower, zucchini, carrots, and brussel sprouts!」
Zさん："... You know... you look forward to dinner ... hoping for something delicious ... and you look down at your plate and see a big pile of vegetables, and well ... ya sigh."
Bさん：「... just eat your food, funny man ...」

On Sale

Zさん："Hey, I heard Kinokuniya is having a BOGO textbook sale.  Wanna go?"
Cさん：「... but I am ... native Japanese speaker.」

Scary Story

Zさん："... and the old man entered the dilapidated, creepy house.  That it was scary would be an understatement.  A loose floorboard creaked under his footstep.  Cobwebs hung from every corner.  Bats squeaked off in the distance ... and then ... the old man lived a long time, his health slowly decreasing over several decades ... dan! dan! dan!"

Aさん：「。。。ダン」

Singer

Zさん："お仕事はなんですか？"

Bさん：「歌手です。」

Zさん："So do they pay you in ... heh heh ... キャッシュ?"

Bさん：「No.  Cashews.」

Behold

Zさん："Why is 美しい such an ugly-sounding word?"

Everything's Fine

Aさん：「What would you think if I were to say, everything's fine?」
Bさん：「I don't know, what?」
Cさん：「知らない。」

Cookie Monster

Zさん："What did Cookie Monster say when he got a breath of fresh air?"
Aさん：「I don't know, what did Cookie Monster say when he got a breath of fresh air?」
Zさん："空気!"

緑茶

Aさん：「Ah! Nothing like hot, fresh green tea.」
Zさん："So, you're drinking your お茶 in a big coffee mug?"
Aさん：「Sure, what would you drink お茶 out of?"
Zさん："Well,  you know me..."

Takeout

Zさん："Hey, let's get takeout tonight for dinner.  Are you craving anything in particular?  Chinese? American? Italian?"
Aさん：「How about Cuban?」
Zさん："... so... the ninth restaurant?"

Delicious

Zさん："Wow, that must have been the best sushi I've ever eaten."
Aさん：「Hey, didn't I tell you the sushi at this restaurant is delicious?」
Zさん："Absolutely.  I must say... the horse won."
Aさん：「... horse? ... won?」
Zさん："うまかった。"
Aさん：「。。。」

Laundry

Aさん：「Hey, did you do laundry?」
Zさん："はい、ケンタッキーに洗濯しました。"
Aさん：「。。。the Colonel's chicken with 11 herbs and spices may be delicious, but hardly able to clean clothes.」
Zさん："。。。せんたっきに。。。うるさい。"

Animals

Zさん："ね、ね、I have a riddle for you."
Bさん：「Sounds like fun, what is it?」
Zさん："What do you call it when a rabbit and an eel wear jackets?"
Bさん：「I don't know, what do you call it when a rabbit and an eel wear jackets?」
Zさん："うさぎとうなぎのうわぎ。"
Bさん：「That's so cute, especially considering rabbits and eels have neither the necessity nor the capacity to wear jackets, and furthermore they would look absurd doing so.」
Zさん："... I was going for the random wordplay, but sure ..."

Shopping List

Zさん："Hey, I'm heading to the supermarket, need anything?"
Aさん：「えーと。アイスとグレープ。」
Zさん："わかった。こうりとぶどう。"
Aさん：「。。。」

The Dos of the Deities

Zさん："ね、ね、I have a riddle for you."
Aさん：「Ok, shoot.」
Zさん："What do you call the hair of the paper god?"
Aさん：「I don't know, what do you call the hair of the paper god?」
Zさん："紙の神の髪の毛。"
Aさん：「... I would find that humorous if it weren't for the borderline Shinto blasphemy.」

Need A Break

Aさん and Zさん are driving in a car and it stops suddenly.

Zさん："Whoa! The car in front of us stopped and we almost crashed into it.  Luckily, your car has those new computer sensors and could stop automatically."
Aさん：「Not exactly.  I just stepped on the breaks in time. 」
Zさん："... no, I think the car stopped automatically. 車がとまる。"
Aさん：「I disagree.  私は車をとめる。」
Zさん："You say とめる and I say とまる."
Aさん：「I say とめる and you say とまる.」
Zさん："とめる"
Aさん：「とまる」
Zさん："とめる"
Aさん：「とまる」
Zさん："レツコールザホールシングオフ。"
Aさん：「。。。What?」